The Huddle - Episode 202. Building a Business Without Losing Your Family
This week on The Huddle, Paul and Jose lead a real and honest conversation about the challenge of growing a business without losing yourself, your relationships, or your family in the process. While Daniel joined in through the comments, this episode focused heavily on the realities many business owners in the trades quietly carry every day.
From long hours and constant pressure to missed time at home and the mental load of ownership, the guys open up about what balance actually looks like in the flooring industry.
In This Episode:
The hidden strain business ownership can place on family life
Why boundaries and communication matter more than most people realize
The pressure of always feeling “on” as an owner or leader
Lessons learned about balancing ambition with personal relationships
Why success means more when the right people are still beside you
This episode is a reminder that building a successful business shouldn’t come at the cost of everything else that matters.
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What is up team? Welcome back to the huddle, the number one podcast in flooring. We're here every week to help
you guys gain forward progress in your flooring career. Simply put, we are here
to help you guys win. To all our new viewers, welcome to the team.
With me today, as most weeks, is Mr.
Gonzalez. And I think that um Daniel will be joining us a little bit
later. He's getting a few things set up, so he'll jump in when he can.
Want to thank all of our sponsors. Uh we do not have any specific ones this week,
but you can see them all there on the screen. Uh as always, Trade Tap and the VTI. The VTI is live. you'll be getting
a lot of emails and and well, not a lot, but a lot of emails will be going out.
You'll get one or two uh each uh to make sure you get your profile set up and take advantage of that.
Outside that, today's topic is building a business without losing your family.
Um this is a topic that uh you know
frankly is um
needs to be talked about because it actually happens. Like people put their so there's so much demand on business
owners that sometimes you can lose sight of you know family and and what really
matters to you. And I I I don't know many people that are
like that that's happened to um
but the ones that I do know, uh I can tell you that none of them would redo
it. Like none of them say, "Yeah, um if I had to do it over again, I would do it
the same way." Most of them wish they would have uh balanced things out a
little bit more. Uh, this brings up a a concept, Jose, of do you remember I
think it was at convention and we've mentioned this guy quite a few times here on the on the podcast about uh
always balancing as opposed to find being balanced. Like you're always balancing things out
intentionally offbalance. Um, man, I keep forgetting the gentleman's name, but I that always stands out.
But yeah, and I think that there is a balance when it comes to
family and business and it well his his point was that you never
really strike the balance something you're always balancing was his point
and I I find I find that true now and I when I heard that I was
like yeah that is like how it is to be a business owner and to be a busy professional in in any regard is like
you're always balancing you're not I never feel like I have it figured out where I have optimal time with the
family and you know ample time at the businesses and these things like I
always feel like one's outweighing the other and I've got to rebalance it and then I got to rebal like and and my
emotions kind of keep me in check if I if I'm on vacation for too long I start to feel like get this anxiety and this
guilty like if I I'm I'm bad about this stuff. So, uh,
the reason So, are we like one of the reasons we're talking about this, you know?
And it's we're pretty bad at it, too. And not because we don't try to find
balance, right? It's just when we're away from work, it's like, "Oh, man. I I
need I'm losing time. I I was supposed to do this, this, I got these people waiting." Right? So, you're that's always the back of mind. And then when
you're at work, you you get lost in it. right? You get lost because you're
always doing your best to keep everyone happy and um some the majority of the time your family is the one who isn't
totally happy with you. But um as far as the balance thing, yeah, it's it's never even Steven never even ke. And I think
um even now I'm still trying to learn and adjust to
I have to shut work off when I'm with my family. I have to do I have to do that,
right? go hang out, have a good time for a little bit. There's still going to be those windows where, hey guys, I'm going
to plug in at like 7 o'clock, take care of a couple emails, probably be right back for dinner, you know, like
something quick like that. Um, is that balance for me? For me, it is.
Is it equal balance? No way. Yeah. The the thing is is that like it's
balancing for you. Like that's what I I mean I don't know that that whole
conversation that and and presentation that guy did
was to me spoton because and it hit me pretty hard like
I've always been trying to get them balanced and I've never been able to do so and he's like most people never do
because they are you're you're constantly c opportunities come or kids
stuff comes or things come you're you're you're constantly trying to get it back
in balance and you might find a little balance for a while but then something you know happens or you know like when
we had our ransomware attack I mean I was like there was no balance I was just
work there was zero uh I think that one some tactical real
life uh kind of advice that I've received and
that I I think is good is first off be if you're going to be starting a
business is truly understand what that means and talk to your family about it like
involve your family in your business in the way of at least communicating with
them if not I mean both of my kids are in the business and and and one of my
businesses and uh you know my wife is in my flooring company and so there's
there's um you know I have I have
uh you know involved in the business but at the very least you want to
communicate with them talk about these things talk about hey when work calls
how are we going to handle that and like have those open communication I think that that uh is really beneficial. Um,
in the early days of building my company, um, me and my wife would have
discussions and it it was a lot of like this what you could imagine. It was
like, hey, you're not home much. What's going on? and I'm like raising the kids
on my own and you're here for special events and and then you're working all
the time and so you got to have those conversations preferably before you start the business
so you kind of have a a road map. Uh I didn't do that but it struck me as
something really important if you're starting a company uh and starting a business is have that talk with your
family. We didn't we didn't know what to expect when we started, right? Because I always did my best to I don't say did my
best. I always worked a lot anyway, right? Like I would do my primary uh job
and then I would always be on the hunt for what they call, you know, side work, right? Side work. Uh so I think staying
busy and being that type of busy person was normal already.
But then when you start working for yourself and you start a business and and you don't know what to expect and all of a sudden you're like you're doing
you're wearing all the hats now you don't have balance within your own business because you're learning but
then uh your family becomes a a very big part of that as
well because you have to communicate like oh we have this today oh I forgot
oh I didn't put it in my calendar oh I really got to get this bid due otherwise
I might not have work for this two week window you know in a month and you know
there's a lot of there's a lot of variables in there that are hard to foresee when you're just getting started
um and you know luckily for luckily for Daniel and I we do have a very
supporting family from day one and you have each other yes and
for for them to know where we started and where we where what we came from, they understand like they they know and
they already knew that it was going to be allin. Um, and so much so that even
our like you said our kids like you know your kids are part of one of your companies
my kids bring me dinner here sometimes when I'm working late you know and they come we'll hang out and we'll have
dinner and clean up and my son comes here gets dropped off and says what do you need me to do I mean it's part of
everyday life now but that's the that family balance and that's just in my
house in my home Right. Family, friends outside, let alone extended family, right?
Yeah. That's and all that. That's the crazy part, I think. Um,
don't get me wrong, I I we've had our fair share of inhome problems because of work, right? Because the lack of
presence, even though there's communication, lack of presence and, you know, being distant, but like extended
family, I don't want to say you lose them, right? But it depends on what angle you
want to talk. Are you giving them opportunities, trying to give them opportunities, or do they see you as an opportunity, right? Like
those are all diff those are other podcasts, friend. Yeah, those are those might be full podcasts
on their own, but yeah, you're right. I mean, like uh I extended family, it's an
event for me to see anybody outside my immediate wife and children. And then if
you're a cousin or something, it's a it's an event. It's a someone's,
dare I say, passing or somebody's big birthday. Like even that
stuff I I um you know, I find it it's just hard to
get to. And uh this whole the the whole thing I think it boils
down to is communication. Like you said, you have kids, your your
kids bringing you dinner, you'll have a deal there. Like they're involved in your process of of being a business
owner. And that's where I think a lot of, you know, I I think a lot of it is
uh un a misunderstood conception of what being a business owner is. Like, oh, I'm
gonna be uh, you know, the guy and so I'm I don't have to be there as much and
and um, you know, people are going to do the work for me or something of that nature.
Well, it's just not true. It just doesn't there's very few businesses until you get to a big big level where
you have multiple layers of leadership and even then the owner is really then
struck with con continued growth and strategic initiatives and
the vision overall culture and uh you know a lot of
other things that to become a full-time gig when you get big enough that you're
not doing the day-to-day uh project management maybe, but then you're now
you're big enough that these other things are full-time jobs. you know, taking care of the company from a
strategic and a um a vision standpoint and putting in new systems and processes
and procedures and and buying businesses or or uh you know expanding your
business or expanding your services, all that stuff comes onto your plate then.
Um, so until you're mega big, and I don't know many flooring companies who
are mega big, where you then have a strateg, you know, a a vice president of a strategic growth
or something that that's like oil companies, you know. Yeah. those I think that's more like a
corporation format or something like that where I don't want to say it can run itself but they've put together the correct
teams and those teams are in place to make sure that everything runs but even then
those there business owners don't only own that one they own many and that's their
job is overseeing like you said all of them and it's I can just imagine how stressful that
might Um well that was the other point that the guy made is you always think that at
some destination in your journey that you're going to find balance like once I reach 10 million a year I'll be able to
do no that's not that I can tell you I did that I I've broken all those or our
company has been blessed enough in the flooring side to break all those like you know percentages like only 1% of
companies ever reach or ever only 10% of companies ever reach a million dollars
in a year and uh stay for five years and
then it's another small percentage that ever reach 5 million and 10 million and we've been through those and and I'm
telling you that like you're constantly balancing. It's con you constantly have more more things that you just you don't
know. It's like driving down the road in a in the country in an area you've never
been. you have no idea what's ahead, right? All you're just doing exactly what you
need to do while you're on the road in your purview of what you see to do your very best. And I'll tell you one thing I
did do just to throw this out there. Um when I was when my my oldest son was
growing up and in sports, I did make sure with him that I went to
every single wrestling match. Bam. From the time he was nine till the time
he graduated high school, I did not miss one single match.
And that was like my kind of dedication to making sure that he knew I was there
for him. Uh, at the time it wasn't like he he was kind of like, well, whatever.
um like I I don't know if it was fully appreciated but now at a 20 as a
28-year-old he he tends to appreciate it.
Jose Daniel's having some technical difficulties but um he'll get in here when he can. I was
going to let me uh uh go ahead Jose and then I'm going to address bring up one
of these comments from meals. Yeah. So, um, to add to what you just said, right? Like everyone
here, everyone who joins the podcast has seen it firsthand that I've like, "Hey guys, I'm only going to
be here for a minute, but I got to go." Right? That's me finding balance and attending my son's events or my
children's events. Um, you know, that's where,
you know, work, career, something else is is going to be sacrificed for, you know, momentarily for that overlap in
time. Um, and it just happened to the schedule just happened to be on Tuesdays during the podcast. I did my best and it
was only a couple weeks where I had to miss, but I still tried to say hi and attend for a minute. Um, but my son
needed my attention, right? He he needed me to be there and be supportive even if it was behind the back stop going, "What
the swing the back, you know, you know, dumb dumb stuff like that." But I was still there. And um I think uh that that
right there is me trying to find balance and trying to be there all the time as much as I can. Fortunately, I've missed
a couple things. Um because three kids in sports. Um so I'm going to miss somebody's
something at some point, but I do my best to be there, but they understand. And and if I know I'm going
to miss, it's like, "Hey, I want you to 100% effort today. Please, please, like,
I'm going to see the video. I want to see what you got." You know, never never
give up. Always put forth effort. And yeah, and you can do that with your
spouse or your significant other or whatever as well. Like, uh, my wife works for the flooring company, but she
works a lot less hours. She's comes in early. Uh she comes in at 7:00
and usually leaves around 3. Every Tuesday she goes picks up the grandkids.
She always picks up the kids and gets them to their events after school. So she she can be uh and I'm I'm saying
this in preface to um uh Romero's
comment. Is it Jose or is it Romero? Is that his first or last name? Do you
know his first name? All right. Well, we're gonna go three names on there. He makes a really, really good point. He
says, "I've tried to separate uh business from family, but it has been impossible. We have managed to make it a
business family lifestyle." And I think a lot of people starting off that is if
you can have that conversation. Uh well, it is Jose so he just clarified. Uh but
if you can have that conversation with your family and that is a workable deal, that is beautiful because then I I I was
on vacation a few weeks back and uh a couple they have a masonary company and
they work it together and when they're gone they just don't do anything and then they go back and they're only gone
for you know say four or five days or whatever and then they they get back and they don't schedule jobs. It's almost
like they just shut the company down for that time frame and they they built their business around their lifestyle
and pretty if you're in if you can schedule that way awesome. Uh but um he goes on
to say here my wife is a teacher but after having our first kid she stayed home and recently has been administrator
for my company. I think that's pretty cool, right? Like that's where that's where you can spend time together
uh and still do business. Um and that's a good I think there's a lot of people
in that um in that kind of mind frame mindset, I guess. And uh have
and obviously he's making it work. Hey, there's Daniel. Look at him. I don't know if my signal is good enough for this. Well, we can hear you.
Disconnecting. Well, don't move. Just right there. You're perfect because you sound good
and you look good. Handsome as always. Look, this comment from this dude named Daniel says,
"I'm at my son's baseball game and their Wi-Fi block." Well, yeah, that one. I was talking about this one right here. Tanya said,
"She will never work with me." She ran married. Yeah, that's Daniel's
comment. And you know what? Some of that some of it's very hard, right? Like I
asked for help and and when I be I'll be straight up. I didn't do nothing about
Excel and I really leaned on the house to teach me and to show me a little bit.
Um my learning style is a little bit different and everybody gets mad at me. Uh but
without that help, that assistance, I wouldn't have been able to to gain that
little bit of knowledge I have just to be a little bit better and un understand some of the other concepts and the other
programs out there. Like I know you said you're like an Excel guru over there, Paul, but dude, I knew I knew nothing.
I'm I I I love Excel. Let me say that. I don't know if I'd put myself in the guru status, but surely I I think it's a
highly effective uh program to learn. Oh, while you're there, Daniel, measure
that. Measure that off. I I already measured it.
in uh the when you're when we're talking about
building business and then it says without losing your family like I uh had
said early on communication is one of those foundational things. I think uh
Jose kind of pointed that out in his I mean that takes those types of um um
deals that he has his wife obviously they communicated about that. So
communication to me is is a key. uh but just to throw another one out there and
you tell me if you uh agree but sometimes you the I guess it's still
based in communication but having clear understanding of what it's going to take
financially is another part of the communication because the financial side
what you gain uh as a business owner you also risk so much more than an employee.
Uh like it's your house and your home and your your savings and your like you're putting a lot of stuff at risk
particularly in the commercial flooring industry. But you know, the bottom line
is you take on all the risk. And that I think is one thing that most people
don't really discuss with their families is the amount that you're risking in this these um in these uh endeavors that
you're taking. It is um that is a hard conversation to have
especially when you're starting right when it when 100% of your investment is risk because there's nothing you don't
have a backlog you don't have any any type of client base to back your theory
that you're going to find work and consistent work at that. So the starting was was rough. Um, I remember
just like looking and saying, "Hey, do you trust me?"
Of course. Yeah. Do Doyle's Doyle kind of touched on this as well. And he's he's talking
about working together with his spouse. Gives him the gives him the advantage of picking up kids and doing all the the
personal stuff without, you know, a boss or having to deal with the boss. But
it's the last part that he says we knew each other's responsibility and role and we pretty much backed each other up. And
I think you know that that's a that's a good little lesson for all of us all the
way across from business to even at home. Like I know if the lawn needs mode
that's on me. You know if if something heavy needs lifted or the garage needs
cleaning out or those types of deals those are those are on me. We just kind of like knowing where you can support
each other and um you know giving your
spouse the ability to or your significant other the ability to attend
things with your children. That's a great benefit to them. Um you know going
to doctor's appointments and stuff. That's the kind of stuff you hear about people you know late in life saying they
missed. They wish they wouldn't have missed these things. these little events. It's just like taking my kid to
the doctor or going with them to get their braces put on or any of this kind of thing. At least one of the parents
are there. You know what I mean? Yeah. That that's um
that has been we haven't missed anything like that. We do our best for if it's something really major, we do our best
to both be there, right? And that's kind of the So, how do you do that, Jose? because that's
really what we want to give to the audience is how do you do that when you
have pressures from both sides? Um, first off, communicating with the
team at work and letting everybody know that I have something coming up, right? It it might not be significant to them
or important to them, but if it's very important to me, I will say something. I'll say, "Hey, I have to take this time
off. I'm going to be gone from this time." And it's not always in a perfect world, but
communicating weeks before cuz appointments, right, you make appointments way ahead of time, right?
You have time to schedule that um and schedule your day around that. Um
so communication with the team here at work and also communication at home, a calendar, a shared family calendar, even
my kids have it on their phone. So that way we're all get we all get the alerts when something changes, where the
appointments are, um that is like that's important to me. Uh and um and also
feeling what's important to your kid, right? If they're if it's something in their life that they're scared, they're they're fearful of, I want to be there
to show support as a father, right? I never I never got that for my father. So I want to try to do that for for my
kids. Um, you know, maybe maybe it might fill a void that that I I
had growing up or didn't know I had until I was an adult to kind of prevent uh potential issues. But the
communication thing is is really what it is and and understanding what's important to you so you can plan ahead,
right? But some things might not have been important to me. And I'll be honest,
but it was important to my children or my child or or my wife. And if if the
trade-off was you're going to leave me alone for two months if I make this appointment, right, or if I make this
event and I don't like and you're going to still have my back for two months when I'm going to be, you know, 15 hours
a day at work. Yep. I'm going to make that. That's That's a trade-off. That's a good trade-off for me.
Um I I was I do my best to still do that even if I have to leave my desk like and
then go and then come back. I will still do that. Yeah. There the that communication again
is super uh important. Adding to that is
prioritization like remember how you're going to feel,
you know? So prioritizing uh these things and and making an active
decision. This is another nugget that was given to me is like if you decide
that I need to work then that is one thing working because you
out of habit um or because you know you
you know what I mean like almost automatically you just work because that's what you do kind of thing. That's
me. And that's where it gets like sometimes my wife's like, "You don't have to be working this many hours right
now." And and I'm like, "It's a habit." And so keeping in mind, and this is from
somebody who fails at this often, um, keeping in mind prioritization of your
family, but what that brings up is like our one of our company's core uh values.
In fact, our first core value is minutes matter. And we have this minutes matter and then we have it all
throughout our office in different places. Hash140. What it's saying is you have 1440
minutes. Now obviously we know you're in a in a in a given day and we all wake
up. We have the same amount of time. The most valuable asset anyone has. We all
have the same amount in our account. How we spend those is what it says about us.
and what it says about our approach to life as well as what's important to us.
So spend wisely. But in our company, the minutes matter is like, hey, if you're
chitty chatting around the office for two hours a day and then wonder why
you're having to work extra hours to stay caught up.
Invest your time wisely. Make sure that when you're at work, you're highly
productive. If you're building a business, you're highly productive. Distractions are the killer of that.
Stay off of YouTube. I can tell you from a per from personal experience. Stay off
of, you know, any socials like be engaged in your work and get the most out of the time that you're at work so
that you can also take advantage of the rest of those minutes that you have at
home and you can be fully invested. Yeah, not none of us perfect at this.
Well, I don't I won't lump you guys into that. Some of you may be perfect at this. I am not perfect at this. I am not
very good at it to be frank. Um, if my wife is watching this, she'd be like, "You you tell the truth, Paul Stewart."
So, that's me being honest. He just made her sound like a little like a old teacher.
She's not. Uh but the truth is is that I'm not the absolute best at that, but
it is what I what we use to keep us in check. So yeah. Yeah, we have a lot of
distraction. Yeah, distractions will kill your
productivity and then before you know it, you're working till 8:00 at night to get something done that if you would to
use those hours at work efficiently and correctly, then you're good. I'll tell
you another con concept that came from um Andy Fcella. He's the CEO of First
Form, which is a a big massive uh supplement company out of St. Louis.
I was part of his business group for several years. And one of the things is like having your they he said um I think
he called it a I can't remember the power list. That's what it's he called it. And it's like five things, the most
important things you need to get done that day. And if you put some thought behind that and you get those things
done, he leaves. It could be 2:00 in the afternoon. It could be 7:00 in the
evening, but it's it's driven by those things. So when he gets done, he's out. It could be
10 o'clock in the morning. If he gets the five most important things on of that day done, he's out.
because he knows that that same rule applies when he's there till 10 o'clock at night. And I thought I've never been
able to execute on that. I learned that a couple of years ago. I always tend to
like if I get caught up with my, you know, if I do what we call a D6, your
daily six. So make a list of the most important six items. And if I knock
those out, I'm like, I'm just going to work longer and be like, "Oh, I can knock out three more." And but you never
get ahead that way. And it logically as I'm sitting here talking to you guys, I
know that his way is better. And I would love to make the change. And I could you could you can apply that in and and to
the uh flooring installation world because flooring installers one of the
benefits one of the key reasons why so many are subs is because they are they
they get that kind of freedom. I'm going to get these seven rooms done and then I'm gone. If it's at three o'clock in
the afternoon or if it's 11 o'clock in the afternoon, I'm I'm done with what I got to get done.
Some of them some of them. Point being is you have that freedom. And I think that's what's
so attractive about being a subcontractor versus an hourly employee. If they get done at noon, one of our
schedulers are going to put them on another job for the rest of the day. I guarantee it. Right. So, you don't you don't get done early.
you you got you know it is it is um you're filling filling that time right like we have the
instilled in our brain that we have you know eight hour days to to dedicate to
our our work our craft um and sometimes my days my uh what you call it
the something five or my daily six like I do make those lists the power list so I do make those lists
but sometimes my fault and and my My issue is that sometimes those items on
that list, I forget that that one item I want to try to get done entails about 30
different things that have to get it complete, right? And that's where I fall apart is
trying to get those 30 things done, right? So, I got to I got to start trying to be more realistic with my my
daily list. And you're putting the top line like buy another business. Well, there's like
6,000 things you got to do for that to happen, right? Yeah. Yeah. So, I got I got to be better at at that, but I am getting
better. And it it it I'm still going to still going to falter, still going to mess up. How to break that down? Because I do the
same thing. You'll put something down. Well, really that represents five or six hours worth of other to-dos for that to
be accomplished. And it's really five different ones. Break it down into it's
it's part of it's important because it's part of the bigger thing. And I like
with my example of you know buying another business for example is like you
know research or um reviewing
you know business uh sale agreements or something like that like reviewing that
is a big deal that would be an item not actually getting getting it done.
You know what I mean? So you can break it down into smaller chunks that are still as important. But um yeah, I like
the way he thinks about it, Andy, a lot better than the way I think about it. I'll tell you that.
Let's get back to some of these comments here where Jose is talking on here. uh is a I believe uh having family in
involved in business is a great addition but up to a certain point in your company
up to a certain point um yes like I wouldn't be able to work side
by side and I don't think I' I'd be able to do that every day
but I know that I can trust my family with my finances. I can trust him with certain things that I have a hard time
trusting others. And and that's where Daniel and I like
look Daniel was a little kid that, you know, I was the big brother who couldn't save money. I'd spend my money. Oh, I
got to go do this. I got to go do that. And Daniel's like, "These are my five piggy banks. In this piggy bank, I have
this. And this one, I have this." And it's like, "Hey, dude. Can I borrow your blue piggy bank for uh till next week?"
say, uh, but there's a lot of more things on my list than just saving too, right?
But, uh, yeah, you're right. Up to a certain point, but I guess depends on
your significant other. And it kind of depends on like what you're thinking about in that, right?
Um, so my wife works in the business and of course, like I said, she doesn't
work, you know, late or anything like that. She gets off pretty early, comes
in earlier. Uh, but we are,
our roles are different, so it's not like we're right next to each other talking all day every day. She'd
probably quit if that was she'd rather just leave. Uh, but she has her role and
what she's good at and does that. and we communicate obviously throughout the day, but it's it's not a um a um
we're not doing the same exact thing, so we're not wearing each other out. Uh we
still get home and are happy to see each other when I get home, you know. So, the
other one thing about working with your spouse since that's come up so much in this uh that I would say is also being
able to shut things off at home. um her and I have really kind of pretty strict
rules around that. Like let's just not talk about it. Sometimes it'll come up and I'm like, "Hey, we got to squash
this and discuss it tomorrow so that we a are at our computers where we can do
anything about it, but b that we don't run or um
contaminate our family time." Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, it can um
it's easy to do if you work with your spouse. The wrong conversation at the wrong time can really make for an uncomfortable
dinner, a very quiet dinner. Yeah.
So your brother said that you know not too many people know how to separate business from personal relationships. Uh
so rather personal relationships get strained and it can make things not go
well. So, you know, he commented on on essentially what I was just saying. His
comment I should have shared is exactly that is like knowing how to and it's not
a a mystery. Just don't talk about business to the most degree that you can
when you're at home and vice vice versa. When we're here at the office, we are
here working, you know. um it's it's uh not a lot of personal
stuff going on at the office. We're here to get our jobs done. So, and then he he he goes on to say
it's technically not really the immediate family. It's the extended family we're historically has had
problems with. I wonder uh what he means by that. Maybe you can
expand, but extended family uh is where
what where I have had problems with extended family mainly brothers and sisters or cousins or something like
that is people wanting to get jobs without having qualifications.
Uh they just want a job because I own the company and they know I could give them a job if I wanted to. uh right or
money, wanting money because they think I have all the money and they can just ask for money and that I give it.
That's where El was going earlier, too. Yeah, that's that's things are are challenging, but
I've been uh personally pretty good at just saying no, sorry, if you're
qualified to work for me, I will I will I will interview you and hire you. Um,
and uh, you know, from a money standpoint, I've always just been like, I don't do that
because if I'm going to, if you, especially the borrowing thing, I always say, look, I
can give you some money, but I will not loan you money. That is my rule with my
family. If I I can afford to give it away, then I will give you money, but I
will not loan you money. I do not want to be chasing somebody to get paid back.
Um it to me it's just not worth it. So if I have the funds uh that I can be
totally not have to have back, I will just give it to you because uh borrowing
money is not a thing in my family. Yeah, there's been u there's very few people in my family that I would even do
that and the majority of the time I don't necessarily want the money back.
I just would like some help sometimes, right? Like I'm always there helping when I can. If someone needs help doing
a renovation, doing a wall, fixing their floors, fixing a deck, I'm available.
I'm there helping. I never ask for anything, you know. And the the power,
the ability to say no probably didn't that didn't come until I had children. And I'll be I'll be honest, I had a hard
time saying no because I always felt bad. But once I had kids, it's like,
no, why not? What do you mean why not? What do you mean why not? I have a family, dude. I'm going to tell you no
every single time. Yeah. You need help with something, I'll come and help. Don't ask me for money because I know I'm not get it back. And
now you're taking away from my kids. Nope. Manager's no. And then as soon as the word no started coming out like so
easily, phone stops ringing so much, right? Nobody needs favors anymore.
Nobody needs help anymore. Jose's just like, "Nope." Well, I'll tell you what. Um, I I
applied the same thing with helping is like, I you don't owe me nothing. I'm
just going to give you this effort and time. The where I found the most problem early
on in particular in my career is people owing me things because I did something
for them. And when it's family, it's like, dude, all you do is like they get they
alien you alienate family because I'll give you an example. My brother
owed me money and and you know, you chasing him down. What did he naturally do? He he restricted himself to where he
wasn't answering my calls. He he always thought I was calling to collect.
You know what I mean? like then you're just driving a wedge in between you and
sometimes I wouldn't even call and deflect, right? You know what I mean? So, I'm just of the of the um opinion
that just give your time and your money freely and uh as you can and then
especially with family and then leave it at that. Never loan money. That was there's only only one thing
that's one of the things about losing your family. We we tend to have this conversation with our im as an immediate
family, but this is also extended family and that's one of the tidbits I would
tell you is uh either give or don't. But loaning money is a really slippery slope
and loaning your time uh as well. Like, hey, I'll come help you move if you help me move in December. And then they're go
they're nowhere to be found in December. Now you have, you know, they're you're
ticked off at them and they're avoiding you and it's like that's how I dealt with it. Anyway,
you know what I tell people now? Yeah, sure. I'll come and help. What are you cooking? Right. What are you cooking?
I'm going to bring my son, but if if uh like even recently had Well, now I owe you this. I'm like, hey, you don't owe
me anything. All I ask is that if you see my my son
or my daughters need something and you're around, right, buy them a Gatorade, get them something to eat. If
you see that, you know, if I'm not around or if they're with you, just don't hesitate to thank me by providing
for them. They don't need to know where it comes from. They just need to know it's a nice gesture, you know. And same thing with the
softball community and my and my nephews and cousins and all that. is like, "One
day my son's going to get a little bit older and even some of my friends, he might want to play softball. All I
ask is you just give him an opportunity." Mhm. That's it. Like or help him get to the softball or to
the game or I mean Yeah. Whatever. Just like just helping out like a common and and some families
are better at that than others and like having this unwritten kind of rule with
each other and kudos to the ones who are good at that. Uh, unfortunately mine is like you gotta specifically lay it out
if you're So I just threw my hands up with it, right? Uh, Daniel says, "Uh,
that's right there, Mr. Stewart." Or they keep the job just because, uh, we
are a family without producing what they're supposed to. I, you know, those those types of things. Um, I can tell
you I've had a brother and my mom work for me in the past. And
this is going to sound harsh to the audience, but I I fired both of them. Like I did fire my own mother and I
fired my brother. And those are like I I try not to, you know,
nepotism is hard because you want to help your family. Uh kids are natural.
Like my son works for the flooring company, runs our Ken City office.
A lot of that was communicated and planned for many years. Uh but when you
start getting like your your your mom or your sister or your brother working for
you, it's just incredible. I I don't know if it's because you have a
heightened awareness and you want them to succeed, so you expect a lot of them. And so that's why there's kind of a
contention or if they actually act that way at every company. uh that
we've done the same brother. We we fired our our sister, not not Crystal obviously, right? and
our other sister and um some nephews um some cousins like we've like we've
parted ways and it's not look good did not ruin my family uh it
did not ruin those dynamics because I did communicate like you this is not a forever job if you don't treat it that
way so I just went same thing you probably did the same it's don't think because you're family
you can get away with the things right like we have a structure we have to follow and you're you know and
unfortunately I'll just use my sister unfortunately for her she thought that that structure wasn't applied to her
because she was our sister was like no even more so to you right and the same thing with my son like you know and and
we got to go I go back to sports coaching my son guess what
you have to be the example dude you have to you know help me unload help me load
You have to be the kid that every that is easy to coach because they're going
to follow your lead, right? If if my son pushes back, the example.
Yeah. And and my son pushes back on me, then they're going to think they can push back. And it's the same thing with
family that works with you. You know, well, your sister can do this or your
brother can do this or your cousin can and we can't. That's you got to be consistent. You got to be
the same. That's a tough one. It is. And um you know, my mother's in and out of the
office helping us out now too. And and you know, she had some medical issues for a while, right? Had to go through
the kidney uh transplant. And you know, Daniel was very involved because it was from his wife, right?
Mhm. But she was in here a couple weeks after surgery trying like, "Mom, just go go
rest." But then, you know, she shows up like any Hispanic mother with a a bag of food. I brought the malas. Come on in.
come on in hand. Well, Ben brings up a point here. He
said that he used to run a a tile company and he said the very most
difficult issue I've dealt with at Capital Tile, which was the tile company, was managing family
relationships. So, this is something you got to be uh proactive with and know on
your radar, especially if you're a new entrepreneur and you're going to get out there and and and dip your toes in the
entrepreneur world of business ownership is this is not, you know, just two guys
on a podcast having the problem uh or have experienced a problem. This is a a
thing with business in general. Um, Ben goes on to say that the bigger
the company gets, the more structure there has to be. Some policies for everyone, but sometimes the family
definitely feels it it's harder for them than others. And I think that's because
uh we like for my son, I have a you gota reach an expectation, you know,
like there's there's people that and it's not me necessarily, but you're if
you're going to be a leader, people are going to be watching and following. So, you have to set that as a good um you
know, a good example. That's what I was trying to think of. Daniel's comment to Ben right here.
It's in the handbook. Yeah. Well, you know, having policies
and procedures is u I mean that is
incredibly important as you build a business and we've had other podcasts on that where like documenting your
processes early. We all I think if I reckon back then we both of us feel like
we could have done better at that and like go through it later. Uh so if you're
early on, you know, documenting your processes that work for you, even if they're not optimal, but document them
as you go will help others be able to fall in line. You can always improve on them, but uh your brother also
evolve. Yeah, they'll evolve. Don't wait for them to be perfect and not be uh not
evolve because they're always going to as you grow into different levels of business. Those procedures and processes
and policies and systems Yeah. all will change as you grow. It's like
it's a a company is a living organism almost, right? It's always it's just made up of a bunch of other people. And
so as things change and as you grow, it's going to change in different
policies. Different ways of doing things will have to be introduced. So don't try to get it perfect before you document
it. But your brother says you can't help family if you're constantly hurting yourself. I love that. Right. He goes on
to say, "Sometimes if it's not working, you got to do what you got to do to keep the
business running." When family understand that it's all good,
understands that it's all good. When they don't is where issues come into
play. So he's saying like your family understands those dynamics. And again, I would say having that
conversation and communication like you did with your sister or like I did with my mom and brother. is like happy to
hire you if you check the boxes and you're a you can be a good employee, but don't think for a second that I won't
let you go just because you are a family member. You can't get away with stuff
that other people don't get away with just because you're a family. It's a hard conversation to have, but
you you do have to kind of set those expectations up front. Um and you know
when people feel blindsided family or not is when uh the disagreements start
and with when disagreement start is when the distance starts. And um and Daniel's
right like what he just said there goes a lot of ways. That goes for time that goes for finances. Um, that goes for,
you know, uh, family events that are important, you know, to a lot of the
family members, but maybe they're not that they're less important to to to us
or like for me, but I I don't attend everything that I used to when I was younger. I used to be at
everybody's birthday party, no matter what age, everybody's little event. I used to, you know, go to four different
eers, right? Like, yeah. You know what I mean? And now it's like
I just don't first off I don't I don't have the time. Second off it's you know
now I have children it's about them and what can I do for my children first and
third is my my social fuel tank gets depleted a
lot sometimes right and it's be because of how much I stack on my plate outside
of family right if it bothers me and it worries me I'm going to have to like spend a minute
to try to appease my brain and relax myself a little bit and that's where
sometimes just reading deleting emails like that that's huge for me like just
deleting emails and having the inbox go from you know 1100 emails down to 300
that are important and then from those 300 down to 50 that I need to pay attention to.
Yeah. Uh, you know, I think that the we keep coming back as often when you're
talking about a subject, you come back to a core thesis. And I think the core
thesis that keeps coming up is communicating. Um, when your family
knows what's expected. One thing that uh for family that you may hire for example
uh is that you make it clear to them that our relationship is is changing.
Now during business hours I am not your brother.
I am your boss. You are my employee. And
that is our relationship during business hours. And the other doesn't come into it. and having those types of
agreements. And it seems pretty harsh, but the truth is is you will suffer uh a
bit if if not actual uh mentally uh if
you don't have clear boundaries and clear borders around your your family uh
agreements with your family and hiring and firing and all that stuff. just make it super clear so that if it has to
happen, you can pull them aside like any employee. Hey, it's not working out. I got to let you go. I appreciate your
time uh that you've invested in this company and working here. Uh but you
know, it's it's time that we both move on and that you uh find some place that
you can be more effective at or whatever the problem, right? I made all that up, but
this is pretty accurate. That's the point, right? And and that's
where um I think the communication is is key. Clear communication, clear
boundaries. Like you're also not a doormat as the owner where your family can just walk all over you in your own
business. That's pretty it's pretty, you know, I don't know what
other word you use. Ballsy. Yeah. You know, on their part to to think that
they can get away with that. They wouldn't do that at, you know, Quick Trip or Chick-fil-A or something, you
know, like it goes both ways, too, right? Like, uh, if if if you're employed by a family member and you value your relationship a
lot more than the the job, so to speak, then you can say, "Hey, like I can feel
that the dynamics of our relationship isn't going in a direction that I would like it to be long term. I think it's
best if I step away in order to preserve that." Right? Like that's that's okay, too. And that go
It has happened and u you know and that some of our some of my friends are like hey how about I
just come and work for you. I'm like you probably not a good idea brother. Like why? Because I really like you as
my friend and I really want to keep it that way. Yeah. You want to help me for a week? Come and
help me for a week. Right. But let after that week's over like bye. Like go back to like I want I want
to stay friends. Yeah. Well, that's a good point. Like I said, the relationship will definitely
change. You know, it's going to change. You might as well be upfront and be
clear. Ben, uh, the final comment here, I'll read before we close things down as he says, "The clear I think the clearer
the expectations are in the beginning, the more likely things will work out
over time." I think that that again communication like
let um now if I hire family member they
are like 100% bound by the employee handbook just like
anybody it's not some special thing you sign the employee handbook you read through all the stuff you read the
expectations you sign that you initial next to each one of our core values that you agree
and that that they represent present you personally as well. Like all of that,
the same thing we would do with an employee would would happen regardless of whether
they're family. So clear expectations. Yep. And just like that, 1 hour is over.
I know uh we've literally uh been on just over an hour. So I want to thank everybody for the comments and and participation.
We think that this is a little bit less of a flooring talk and more of uh we do
you know um kind of like you know staying mentally strong and and
mental health issues. We have two or three of those a year. this kind of falls in that realm of like does how how
to run your business effectively but from a um you know soft skills kind of
family or uh uh balance all of that stuff. And so that's what this is is
hopefully kind of point out some things where we failed and we're we're we're really um you know uh transparent about
that. And as Daniel says, thank you for coming to our TED talk. Um but the other
thing is um you know we we know that these are
struggles as business owners. Not everything is about what tile you use or the best cutter or the best sheet vinyl
or training. This is about putting family in its proper position at the first in your life or first or second
you know um with God family and work right you know something in there. Those
things have to be there. Whether it's spirituality or or whatever, you got to nourish your soul, nourish your your
family, and nourish your your your wealth. You've got to build those things. And and u having some balance in
there is just hopefully you've you've gotten to listen to us uh two uh two
Yahoos on on a podcast talking about, you know, how we've dealt with the the
the family dynamics of running a business. You're never going to get great at it
because there's always going to be something new popping up, but you can practice it by by staying consistent
with everybody. Always improve. Always. So, thank you everybody. Thanks to our
again to our sponsors uh and um everyone who gets on here every week and and
participates and watch these uh podcasts. You're why we do it. We are uh
very thankful on all of the platforms that you engage with. So, show us some love and give us a like and subscribe uh
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appreciate you guys. Uh wish you the best week, and until then, we'll we'll see you guys next week.
Thank you, everyone.
